Heated Rivalry - what a TV show taught me

The time has come, I am opening up about what I have learned from a recent, yet ongoing personal (and also very global) experience. So take a sip of your ginger ale, lean back and...

What experience, you ask?

A cute little Canadian show turned record breaking cultural phenomenon called *drum roll*: Heated Rivalry.

I'm still flabbergasted...

Who knew a TV show could even do anything remotely like this to us?

How did it happen that hundreds of thousands, heck millions of people collectively started to feel like they are 16 again?

How is it possible that a show made me feel SO MUCH? So much…

I have questions but this newsletter is not about my questions, it's about the lessons I've taken from these 6 roller coaster episodes.

In case you missed the plot of this show, it reads like this:

The two most talented young hockey players of a generation get drafted into rival teams of the NHL. They fall in love but - spoiler - it takes them close to a decade to figure that out, making this a story about the forbidden love of two queer hockey players and a journey of self discovery through their own sexuality from their late teens to mid 20s.

Let me be very clear, based on this abstract this is not a book I would have picked up nor would I have been excited about the screen adaptation, if it hadn't been for a friend who practically begged me to watch it.

Little did I know...

Still, I have practically nothing in common with any of the above words WHICH IS WHY IT’S VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU KEEP READING NOW BECAUSE UNLESS, you too, are a Canadian or Russian millionaire hockey player who fell in love with your arch rival - in which case you’d know exactly what I am talking about, THERE WILL BE A LIFE ENHANCING TAKEAWAY HERE FOR YOU.

Last thing before I get into it...

Should you have heard about this show only being about sex, let me stop you right there… with all due respect, whoever told you that completely misunderstood the story and therefore missed out on the opportunity of feeling this internal explosion of hope, creativity, connection and just general expansion of understanding what this human experience really is about.

Is there a lot of sex in the show? Yes.

Is it used to tell a different story entirely? Yes.

So, saddle up and let’s go - here are my 5 lessons from this show…

(Psst, if you choose to pause here and take the next 6 hours to watch the whole season in order to avoid more spoilers, I will not be mad…)

NUMBER 1

Let’s start with an easy - but no less important - one: There is more to every story than meets the eye. The only things you think you know about a person are what they tell you and what you make up about them in your head (now read that again). None of those things are even close to the truth.

Male hockey players in rival teams who fall in love?

Impossible! Scandalous! Wrong? No. Storries are the most powerful tool our human brains have. Let’s use them as a force for good!

NUMBER 2

There is a scene where one of the most critical characters in the show sits at his kitchen bar in the morning watching the man he fell in love with make him a smoothie.

He says: I am gonna say a bunch of things and I know I am too intense, everyone tells me that but I can’t help it. Is that ok? Can I be too intense?

He then proceeds to share his feelings in an honest, vulnerable, real way. There is no background music in the scene, no dramatic effects, in fact the smoothie guy looks a little confused and very unsure.

But here’s the thing, he was heard and seen because he allowed himself to be “too intense”, he allowed himself to be vulnerable knowing full well that Mr. Smoothie might shoot him down.

What makes this scene so gut-wrenching, is that it shows how much we crave realness and true, vulnerable, honest connection.

The lesson?

All of that is something we can create. Sure this was a film set, but it hits home because all of us have the ability to be so heartbreakingly real, if we dare to be vulnerable for the sake of creating real connection.

NUMBER 3 (this one had me in pieces…)

…and it made me realize that I have a major bone to pick with traditional rom com plots.

You know the evergreen: boy meets girl - sparks fly - things could be so nice - oh wait no - lying - cheating - I can't do this right now - what are feelings? - ups, I might lose her - dramatic rain scene - kissy kissy - happy ending?

We’ve all been taught that this is a normal (aspirational??) love story and now we wonder why we all need therapy?

Stories like these have been hitting our eyeballs for decades to the point where this is what we expect in real life. If this is supposed to be #relationshipgoals, why does it still feel so shitty for so many people in our society?

Why do we keep bracing ourselves for impact when we meet new people or….just watch a show? I did brace myself when I watched this one too, expecting the characters to get yelled at, left alone, disappointed, but you know what?

None of that happened.

When someone dropped a tray full of food the answer was: Try again, I know you need the money. Can you handle quiche?

When someone was tongue tied at a press conference, another interviewee jumps in with an answer that works for both of them.

When someone comes out as gay to his mother she says: I am sorry you felt that you couldn’t trust me earlier.

Esther Perel, a globally renowned psychologist reviewed the show and called this a corrective experience.

A CORRECTIVE EXPERIENCE!

Watching this feels good because when we expect something bad, something good happens!

Here’s the lesson: stories like these can reshape our expectations and turn into a soothing experience vs. one that deepens existing and harmful conditioning.

That’s why people keep “re-heating” the show over and over and over again and it doesn't get boring.

How could it when the message is: I've got your back?

*gimme tissue*

NUMBER 4

So Mel, will you address the sex, since this is literally based off of what some call smut (dirty, steamy, explicit books)?

Yes and no.

Here’s what I think the fact that this story is portrayed by two men has done for women:

It has liberated straight female viewers (who make up the vast majority of the viewership btw) from the inherent tension of expecting men to behave a certain way towards women in a sexual context. It has given us (because yes, I count myself here too) the chance to witness facets of unpolished, unmasked masculinity many of us truly crave to experience, such as a man’s softness, or depth (which, spoiler - is the true strength).

I believe that was made possible by taking away the physical relatability (since straight women can't be in a male gay relationship) and being forced to focus on the emotional one (and boy oh boy (no pun intended) was that relatable!!).

Personally, it made me hopeful and fall in love with humanity from an entirely different perspective. The portrayal of this emotional journey is so nourishing that one cannot help but simply celebrate and soak up everything about this connection.

While I can only write from a female heterosexual point of view, I love what this has done (and hopefully continues to do) for the queer community as it shines the largest spotlight on what the world (should have known) since the dawn of time: LOVE IS LOVE.

And that is all I’m going to say about sex, because that is all there is to say about sex.

NUMBER 5

And last but not least…art, not just loyalty😉, is important and this is the proof!

As an artist myself, I know what it’s like to be questioning what I'm doing in the first place or who I am doing this for, who even cares?

The creation of this show reveals the true purpose of art in such a massively powerful way: art is here to show us that we are all going through the same thing.

It comes in as many variations as art forms but at the end of the day, art points us towards one thing: our shared humanity.

So, go and create something, love!

There you have it, my complete and utter honest take on why I think this show is THE cultural and social moment we have been waiting for.

On a very personal level it has only inspired me to keep creating more and deeper connections, to keep writing more and more honestly and vulnerably and I have nothing but pure gratitude for you being on this ride with me.

Before you go…🤭 if you have seen the show and are one of us - IYKYK - I have left 9 easter eggs in this text.

If you think you found them all, copy paste them into a reply of this email and I will offer you one coaching session completely for free.🤗 (Yes, this is how serious I am about all of this).

Love,

Mel 💕

P.S. All my newsletters are written by me, not AI (so please flag the typos).😉 

P.P.S. If you're ready to explore working together — book a free discovery call, HERE.