So, a highlight each day during the course was when movie time rolled around. Yes, every day at 8pm we would gather in the hall, on our designated pillow, and get to watch an hour-ish of Goenka’s teachings. (In case you forgot, Goenka is the human who restarted this whole Vipassana movement, he brought it to India and then eventually it spread to the West and is now practiced all over the world. When I say restarted, I mean, it’s obviously been around for a really long ti

Day 5 was proof that all things come in waves. And as I write this, I am racking my brain so as not to fall into the trap of solidifying this assumption that a bad thing must follow a good thing. But let me get there... There was this inner hunch that the squirrel-high of day 4 would probably not last. The real question, though, is, how does one not brace oneself for something “bad”, as it seems so inevitable? Is whatever follows automatically just labeled as bad because it c

I told you all about the pain in the last one. But two more things happened that day and they seemed completely and utterly unrelated but as I am typing this I am starting to think, maybe they weren’t so unrelated. Let me back up. You know how I told you that we were not allowed to speak? Well, there was one exception. If we felt that we really needed to clarify something or had a nagging question, we could go put our name on a list and have a few minutes to talk to the h

It’s day 4, and we were told that this was a very important day. The schedule was slightly changed for this one, as we were given new instructions on how to meditate. The day had come, we were finally introduced to the actual practice after having only been focusing on our breathing for the first 3 days. Call me crazy, but I was fully prepared (to the extent that I thought I could be, as we have established) to only be focusing on my breath for the full 10 days. How thrilling

I have been racking my brain on how to talk about this. Sure, I have opinions about it, but those are obvious, or at least they should be. When it comes to thinking of solutions, real solutions, I find myself feeling like I’ve fallen off a sailboat, trying to swim to shore because it seems to be within a reachable distance, but then I end up almost drowning, and miraculously get washed up on a beach, barely alive… You know who was and is also barely alive, mentally and emotio

So last time I told you things were about to change. In my head. Cause that is all I had anyway, the things that were going on in my head. And somehow this becomes this funny thing, with as little external input as possible, all you are left with…is your thoughts. Of course you start to observe other people around you, you start noticing their habits, demeanor, their behavior. You start to notice what it feels like when someone walks by, and whether you like it or not,

Alright so I am writing this on a Tuesday. I got out of jail (the Vipassana Meditation center) on Sunday morning. I have since… Felt a deep sense of calm and grounding, experienced this profound sense and ability to “do one thing at a time” (shocking, I know??) and this massive urge to avoid going back to “the way we do things”. Today, was also the first day I went back to work, which means I had to deal with the inbox clean up, the catching up of what happened with my

I sat in silence for 10 days and 10 nights and I could have never known what it would teach me. Now before I get into it, you may want to know… why? Why would I give up all access to the outside world, access to books or anything to read aside from the labels on teabags, access to pen and paper and even give up the spoken word…why? The answer is simple, actually. Because I wanted to find out what’s left when all of that is gone. Who am I when all I have are my

This week I learned a lesson that you'd think I "should" have already learned a long time ago. And I have (many times), but not like this. That's the thing about learning lessons: they come dressed up in all kinds of different shades, shapes and colors. Lessons are nuanced, there are facets to them - just like in life, no two days are the same, even if the weather report says sunny and 27 degrees in the shade. You think you know how to dress for it but every once in a w

I have a serious question, one that I really don’t have the answer to. What do you do when it’s all too much? What do you do when all you can think about are the next 10 things you have to get done just in order to keep up with the life you have? And I’m talking things like….buy bread (because I forgot when I was standing in the bread aisle), pay that bill, get to work on time, try not to F up at work, go to that dinner reservation with your friends (and no you can’t cance

It’s time to get real… Also, I need you to know that when I sit down every week to write this, it’s like I am sitting down with a best friend whom I’m about to tell a secret. These words come straight from the heart. Often I cry while I write. It’s so damn cathartic. Words are my love language. Words - as long as I can put them on a screen and not speak them out loud - are therapy to me. I’ve been asked before how I write and the most immediate answer always is: I d

I don’t know about you but I personally think this is the ultimate mindfuck. Pardon my language. But it’s true…. Ever wanted something so bad you couldn’t stop thinking about it, you were obsessing over it, analyzing it, strategizing, stuck in “if this, then that” loops in your head? But it just. Wouldn’t. Happen. As hard as you tried, pulled out all the tricks - nada. It’s almost like you were pushing it away by focusing on it so much. There’s a name for that…

So last week, I kind of left you hanging, I know. I have my reasons... The truth is that the story I actually wanted to write is this one 👇🏼, but then I stopped to wonder: Why does it feel like it’s the hardest thing I have ever done? (And spoiler: continue to do). Sometimes, not all the time, and ESPECIALLY not at the same time when things actually are hard, but sometimes it makes sense to understand what is actually happening in the brain when there’s something

You know what one of the most frequent yet hardest questions I get (and ask myself) is? It's this: HOW? We hear things like… "just be more grateful" "oh don’t take it personally" "just let it go" …thrown around all day long. Maybe you’ve even said them to someone. I certainly have in the past. But then I remember, it’s not only very easy to say that to someone if you’re not actually in their emotional state, it’s also pretty useless, maybe even harmful?

Happy second day of spring, let’s talk about being stuck. Yes, on the day when (I wrote this) we officially leave the dead of winter behind us, the sun is getting warmer, sprouts shoot out of the earth and flowers remember their bloom, that’s when you want to talk about being stuck, Melanie?? Exactly, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do. Let me tell you about the last few days I had. It’s indeed felt “springy”, blue skies, nothing but sunshine, crisp air telling us to s

Tell me I’m not the only one who has felt like this, actually, I know I’m not… Have you woken up in the morning after what you thought was an ok amount of sleep but you felt like you didn’t sleep at all? It’s not even that you were awake a lot, tossing and turning, no, it was just like, sleep didn’t work? I have certainly been there, and when it happens I am always reminded that rest is actually multi dimensional. I hate to break it to you, but sometimes, “Oh, I’m f

So apparently we have now entered the year of the fire horse and if you don’t really know what that is supposed to mean then I can tell you this: Yeah same. I don’t exactly know what that means but according to the Chinese zodiac system that’s the year we are in now, as of Feb 17th that is. What was last year? You may ask… The year of the snake. Ok, ok but why does any of this matter? Or better - why should any of this matter to me? Great question. The short a

The time has come, I am opening up about what I have learned from a recent, yet ongoing personal (and also very global) experience. So take a sip of your ginger ale, lean back and... What experience, you ask? A cute little Canadian show turned record breaking cultural phenomenon called *drum roll*: Heated Rivalry. I'm still flabbergasted... Who knew a TV show could even do anything remotely like this to us? How did it happen that hundreds of thousands, heck millions

You know how sometimes you think someone is the love of your life but things just don’t work out and maybe part of you keeps wondering why for the rest of your life? WHYYYYY?* *insert dramatic sound effect. Ok sorry, I know, maybe this was a bit much to start a very innocent newsletter with. Or maybe I am also just confusing real life happenings with the beginning of almost every rom-com plot... But you know what the answer is to this very non-dramatic, all caps WHYY

Oh dearest reader… it’s very important that I start this week’s newsletter with this: Please, fail. Yes, you read that right. I hope you fail at things. Let me back up. You know when I felt the most miserable in life? Well, aside from that one time I had some street market food in Indonesia that didn’t agree with me (I'll spare you, it's TMI) - it was when I felt stuck. When I was in a promising career that had me hide tears and in the bathroom stalls a little too often, that