My very own Christmas story (involves sitting on a beach).

I have put off writing this one for a few weeks now.

So much so that I even skipped last week’s newsletter in case you noticed.

Honestly, there were many reasons as to why (from travel hickups to pre-holiday exhaustion and everything in between) but one of them is this: pure irony.

Why?

Because I just couldn’t get myself to sit down for it while the topic I want to write about is exactly that: sitting still.

Story time...

I was 24, walking back home from my weekly Sunday grocery run about seven blocks away from where I lived in San Francisco when it hit me. A thought that would change the course of my life.

Again.

My brain went: I just need to go sit.

Random… you may say, but it was more than a thought. It was a cosmic brick hitting me in the face.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you came to a realization or received some information and nothing was the same afterwards?

A split second and your entire world changes. A knowing you just cannot ignore anymore. Every breath not acting on it would feel like a lie.

Dramatic much? Well, honey, I am a poet at heart, remember?

I just need to go sit, meant - I am going to move back to Switzerland.

There was a whole crapstorm of “am I a failure because I didn’t make it in the big wide US of A?” - “What am I going to do now?” - “Oh my what is gonna happen?” - that of course followed, but let’s keep that for another time.

What I did next was: quit my job, put up my room and find a new roommate to take my place, started selling all my stuff on Craigslist, deciding what I can ship and what not, and most importantly: book my flight - to Hawaii.

Wait what?

When I said/thought I just have to go sit, what I meant was

 “go sit on a beach.”

It’s funny, all my big pivotal life moments have somehow led me to a beach first.

This one in particular may have not been the smartest decision, I was waiting on a tax return so I could afford it as I had, you guessed it, no money whatsoever.

But hey when else are you going to blow the money you don’t have in Hawaii if not in your 20s, right?

So the day came, my last day at the office was also my last day in San Francisco.

It was late November, not my favorite time of the year anyway, cold, wet, dark. I called an Uber to drive me and my duffel bag to work that day and made my driver stop at the Goodwill so I could drop off, I mean donate, my bedsheets and blow up mattress that were my only possessions other than what I wore or had stuffed into that blue Patagonia bag.

I flew to LA right after work, hugged my best friend at LAX as she hopped on a plane and gave me the keys to her Prius. (The flight to Honolulu was cheaper from LA.)

Finally, I land on that island, stick my feet in the sand among palm trees wrapped in Christmas lights and… I sit.

I let it sink in.

The shift, the change, holy cow I am actually doing this?

By now you may wonder, why am I telling you all of this?

Well, because sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is just to go sit in silence.

Without answers.

Without anything to do.

Without a plan.

Without chasing to do’s.

Just sit.

And as I said the irony is, I didn’t manage to do that in the last couple of weeks, when really, those are the moments we need it the most:

The silence.

The peace.

The space.

Not because we need answers or a recipe for what's next, no, but to learn to be with what is. Right here, right now. Cause somehow life took us to a place where we completely lost sight of how to do that (this is where the cosmic brick in the face comes in). But once we do, the rest somehow often just becomes clear all by itself, weird how that works....😉.

We need it especially this time of the year, when everything is supposed to be about community, about loving thou neighbor and caring for one another, about reminding ourselves that everything is built on love but really it ends up just being about hitting deadlines, praying your online order makes it in time, showing up to Christmas apéros you really don’t want to be at, and staring at the twinkly lights thinking “God I wish I could enjoy this because it sure looks pretty.”

And Love, I got really close to making this newsletter a survival kit on “how to make it through the holidays,” but instead, I decided to share this story with you that’s lingered in my head for quite a while.

Maybe just as a permission slip for you to go sit down and do nothing (it’s not nothing) here and there this holiday season.

So, may you take the rebellious act of sitting down, if you want to get really crazy, close your eyes and listen to your own breath. And if you want to lie down and take a nap, I think that would be a great idea.

If Santa makes us wait a whole year before he shows up again, you can make everything around you wait just a little while too.

May you listen to the urge of sitting down without it being a cosmic brick in the head and uprooting your whole life, but with the same clarity, depth and vision you gain from it - that is the Christmas wish, from me to you.

Because sometimes, a little bit of peace is the biggest gift we can give ourselves.

So, slow down, sit down, you more than deserve it!

Happy Holidays! 🎄🎄🎄

And if it's all still been just a little too much, I'm here. 🧡

Love,

Mel ❄️

Ps. All my newsletters are written by me, not AI (so please flag the typos).

😉

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