It just doesn't make sense (but it's true).

You know how sometimes you think someone is the love of your life but things just don’t work out and maybe part of you keeps wondering why for the rest of your life?

WHYYYYY?*

*insert dramatic sound effect.

Ok sorry, I know, maybe this was a bit much to start a very innocent newsletter with.

 Or maybe I am also just confusing real life happenings with the beginning of almost every rom-com plot...

But you know what the answer is to this very non-dramatic, all caps WHYYY?

It’s because two things can be true at the same time.

We don’t like to believe it because our brains like order and naturally attempt putting a structure into chaos because that is what feels safe.

When something feels safe, it feels like it’s the path of least resistance and that is generally what we as humans are wired to go for.

The thing is, that is just simply not how life works.

Life is full of contradictions. Full of things that are somehow true at the same time even though, at face value, they really, and I mean really, shouldn’t be part of the same experience of reality.

Things like this:

• You love your job but sometimes you throw your hands up in the air and go - fuck it, just fire me. 

• You know that your kids are the best thing that ever happened to you but sometimes they drive you up a wall!!

• You adore your partner but sometimes you just really need them to leave the room (immediately).

• You have deep gratitude for your mother and all that she’s given you but if she doesn't shut up right now….

You get the picture.

Did you chuckle or nod along?

Well, as amusing and relatable some of these things may be, others are harder to make sense of.

How can some of us experience freedom of speech, a functioning government, relative safety when leaving the house, while others have to fear for their lives in every parking lot?

How can some mothers send their kids to school with a careless wave and others check to make sure their children’s bulletproof back packs have blood capsules in a secret compartment?

Now you’re probably not chuckling anymore…

Ok, what about this?

How can you, yes you, hold on to a specific behavior (only you know what I am talking about...smoking, snoozing, you name it), knowing full well it’s not good for you and if you could snap your fingers, it would be the first thing to go?

How can you keep doing things that deep down you don’t really want to do?

I’ll tell you how…

It’s because two things can be true at the same time.

Not only that, let’s take it one step further, what if they somehow depend on each other?

I asked ChatGPT to define yin and yang for me in one sentence and this is what I got:

Yin and yang is the concept that seemingly opposite forces—like light and dark, rest and action—are interconnected, interdependent, and constantly shaping one another in a dynamic balance.

Ya know, ever saw a shadow when the sun wasn’t shining? That kinda thing…

So this is where we have to be very careful to make sure we DO NOT drift off into any spiritual bypassing by legitimizing one through the other.

This does not mean that any of the atrocities happening in the world are by any stretch of the imagination justifiable.

So why bring it up?

I believe there is value in the practice of holding space for conflicting ideas within oneself for the simple reason that most of them, we cannot single-handedly change.

What does it matter then?

Great questions you keep asking…

It matters because by being able to accept (not condemn or agree with!) two contradicting circumstances, you cultivate the ability to observe them from a more neutral state, gain some mental distance and therefore act from a place where you can take action that is actually more aligned with what you ultimately want.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s one of the hardest fucking things to do.

But say you apply this to a very specific situation you currently are in or have been in: wouldn’t it be nice to address it from a place of compassion?

Isn’t there value in understanding how much you don’t want that particular thing by seeing it against the contrast of the other thing?

Maybe…maybe you can even walk towards what you really want with more gratitude? Receive it more deeply?

I know, it’s a process, it’s hard work.

I will never be one of those coaches to tell you that things will just fall into your lap as long as you follow this 5-step plan, because life is not like that.

It’s full of opposites, confusion, contradictions and things we can’t change. So I say let’s start by working WITH EXACTLY THAT.

Let’s learn to accept and hold the things that seem to not make sense, so that they no longer hold us.

Today I will leave you with this quote:

We can suffer and sing at the same time. In fact, we must.

- Jaiya John

Have a wonderful week!

Love,Mel💕

P.S. All my newsletters are written by me, not AI (so please flag the typos). 😉 

P.P.S. If you're ready to explore working together — book a free discovery call, HERE.