Why is letting go so hard?

Ever heard someone say: Just let it go…

and you stayed silent but secretly said to yourself:

I can’t.

I’ve been there.

Oh gosh, I’ve been there so many times.

And the funny (ok maybe not so funny) thing is: we don’t start out saying I can’t to ourselves, we start out saying....

• I don’t want to.

• This isn’t my fault, f*** them!

• Absolutely not, he’ll come around...

  or

• I am sure she’ll change her mind..

What we ignore when we say these things is that little pit in our stomach that knows the truth.

Actually, ignoring might be a strong word, I think it takes some time, years even, to even find that pit.

Obviously, when the outside voices in our society are SO loud and we grow up in a world that teaches us to run on logic like a toddler runs on sugar. The only problem with that is, it usually leads to a crash and burn (the toddler and you not listening to your gut...).

After which we then hear (or say) the sentence:

You know, I kinda always knew something was off…

Am I right?

So, how do you get from not even knowing that it might be better to let something go (aka still looking for the stomach pit), to knowing (but maybe not being ready yet) and also doing it?

Well, the truth, and annoying part of that is, that you’ll likely gonna have to crash and burn a few times before you get there. But since you’re reading this newsletter, chances are you already know that and you’ve already been there. (Good for you, and I'm sorry).

That’s great though, because the next step is easy-ish…

Just be open.

...open to not knowing what's next.

...open to things changing even in a different direction from the one you want (rough, I know).

...open to new possibilities.

...open to reflection, and to the fact that you do not have all the answers or know everything there is to know about YOURSELF even.

Why?

Well if you think about it, staying open for new things is kind of the opposite of clinging. So when it comes to letting go, you're half way there.

That sounds doable, right?

Great because the next part then really sucks again

(but it’s worth it, trust me, magic on the other side…).

Ok so, setting the stage:

1) Say you’re facing a situation in your life, big or small literally anything, fill in the blank, and it does not serve you.

2) You’ve realized that attaching on to it, chasing it with this “grabby energy” (I know you know the kind, it’s so sticky and yuck and never works) won’t get you anywhere so you open up (see what I did there?) to that stomach-pit that says: let it go.

3) This is not your first rodeo, so you agree with the stomach pit to let it go.

But then it happens:

4) You realize, you can’t. There's something in you that just can't stop thinking about it as much as you'd like to leave it behind you.

Then you get frustrated because you’re like: What? I’ve been through this before, I KNOW this doesn’t work, I want to let go of this thing (person, job, house…seriously it doesn’t matter), so why is it that… I can’t?

And this is when you find yourself in the conversation over coffee and carbohydrates with a well meaning friend who says: Oh just let it go, it's not worth it.

And you just go silent,

you know they might be right.

But you can’t.

You can’t let go.

You want to know why?

Because your head made the decision, not your body.

You know you want to let it go, you don’t feel it… yet.

Now you might be like, Mel, what do you mean?

The pit in my stomach is a clear indication that something is off and that means I need to get out of here, leave it behind, say no, turn it down, run away, untie the sinking ship...I got the message WHY can’t I go through with it?

Excrutiating, I know.

Honestly, typing this makes me want to crawl out of my skin because I have been there so many times and last time probably wasn’t the last but now I know what to do and this is the part that sucks:

You gotta sit in it.

You have to learn to live with the uncertainty.

Lean into it.

Trust it.

Why?

Because if your body is not ready to let something go there is a reason for it.

Read that again:If your body is still holding on to something, there is a reason for it.

And that reason most likely is that it wants to keep you safe!

We’re subconsciously wired for safety and if that pit in your stomach shows up it doesn’t only mean “watch out” it also means “I am going to do whatever it takes to keep you safe”.

And that, you cannot just let go. You can’t abandon your biological wiring but what you can do is this:

RE-wire it… for safety.

• Teach your body that it’s ok to let it go.

• Teach your body that you can and will be able to regulate and take care of yourself not matter what happens.

• Teach your body that not every uncertainty is about life or death.

And while you do that,

be gentle with yourself, be soft - your body doesn’t know all that your head knows, it actually knows so much more…

if you’ll just learn to trust it,

because once you do, believe me, letting go, will be a breeze.

You got this but if you want help with it, I’m here.

Love,

Mel

🤍

 Ps. A personal note - I did not plan this letting go theme because it's fall, this topic just kind of "fell" into my lap (get it 😜). No but seriously, I let the topic of each week just kind of come to me...so, speaking of listening to your gut, just sayin...

Pps. All my newsletters are written by me, not AI (so please flag the typos). 😉